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On Attachment: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Stephanie Rigg
Join relationship coach Stephanie Rigg in On Attachment, where she delves deep into all things attachment theory, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you start making real changes in your life & relationships.
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The most recent episodes — sign up to get AI-powered summaries of each one.
- 6 days ago18 min
#287: 5 Hard Truths for Avoidant Attachers
Preorder my book, The Secure Self If you have avoidant attachment patterns (or are partnered with someone who does), today's episode offers five truths about your patterns, blind spots, and protective mechanisms that, while perhaps hard to hear, are essential learning if you ultimately want to shift towards healthier relationships. I talk about: How the myth of the perfect partner keeps you stuck in your avoidanceWhy your judgment of your partner's "neediness" is both unhelpful and revealing of your own suppressed emotionsHow your emotions affect the relationship just as much as your partner's, albeit in different waysThe difference between being solely responsible for a partner's feelings and the reality of healthy interdependenceThe importance of stretching beyond what is comfortable and natural if you want to growLinksPreorder my book, The Secure SelfFree resources on attachment healingFollow me on Instagram
- 1 weeks ago12 min
#286: How to Deal With Lingering Thoughts About an Ex (Ask Steph)
Preorder my book, The Secure SelfHow do you stop your mind from thinking of your ex, even when the relationship is long over? In today's episode, I'm giving advice to a listener who is struggling with ongoing thoughts of their ex, a year on from the break-up. We'll talk about why it's normal for your brain to drift towards those thoughts, why it's so important that we don't make meaning out of it, and why focusing on what you can control (ie, your actions) is far more useful than trying to fight against your thoughts. LinksPreorder my book, The Secure SelfFree breakup training
- 2 weeks ago23 min
#285: How to Respond to Inconsistency and Mixed Messages
Pre-order my book, The Secure Self Being on the receiving end of someone's inconsistent behaviour and mixed messages is a familiar experience for many people with anxious attachment patterns. And yet, the ways we habitually respond — by trying to solve the puzzle, gather information, and do whatever we can to not make things worse — often serve to entrench us in unhealthy and imbalanced relationships. In this episode, I talk about why inconsistency feels so familiar, how we typically respond, and what it looks like to instead respond with self-respect and security.LinksPreorder my book, The Secure SelfFree training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment
- 3 weeks ago21 min
#284: How to Navigate Self-Doubt and Regret After Walking Away (Ask Steph)
Pre-order my book, The Secure Self on AmazonIn today's episode, I'm giving advice to a listener who recently stepped away from a long-term, long-distance relationship, over concerns that she and her partner were wanting different things. Despite having been the one to end things, she is grappling with the loss and having second thoughts about whether stepping away was the right choice.I touch on a lot in my advice to her, including what's "normal" after a breakup, the courage it takes to walk away when nothing big happened, why the fear of regret can cloud our judgment, and under what circumstances a reconciliation is a good idea.LinksPreorder my book, The Secure SelfLeave a voice message for a future Ask Steph episodeExplore my free resources
- Oct 2, 202636 min
#283: From Self-Abandonment to Self-Worth (Plus TWO Exciting Announcements!)
Pre-order my book, The Secure SelfIn today's episode, we're talking about self-abandonment and what it really takes to shift away from these well-worn patterns into a more secure version of ourselves that is grounded in self-worth. We discuss why self-abandonment feels so natural to many of us with anxious attachment patterns, the importance of self-compassion, building nervous system capacity, advocating for our needs from a steady place, and building self-trust.My book, The Secure Self, is now available for pre-order! Head to stephanierigg.com/book to claim your exclusive bonus package for free as a pre-order gift with purchase.
- Sep 22, 202610 min
#282: How to Forgive Yourself for Pushing Someone Away (Ask Steph)
In today's Ask Steph episode, I'm giving advice to a listener who is feeling a lot of shame and self-blame for their role in the breakdown of a relationship, which they've come to recognise after working on themselves post-break-up. I share some thoughts on why shame and blame can be so tempting, but also how it blocks us from truly learning the lessons of our break-up and changing our patterns going forward. I also offer some honest advice on whether it's a good idea to reach out to your ex to share what you've learned about yourself since the break-up.
- Sep 17, 202621 min
#281: When You Want to Work on the Relationship But Your Partner Doesn't
So many people will know the frustration of wanting to work on your relationship and being met with resistance, shutdown, or disengagement from a partner. When your sincere attempts at getting through and finding a path forward aren't landing, it's easy to feel hopeless—and confused as to what it means for your future. In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on this predicament, as well as tips for breaking through the impasse and how you can find your way back to centre irrespective of whether your partner comes to the table.LinksFree resources for anxious attachmentFree masterclass on breaking the anxious-avoidant cycle
- Sep 8, 202615 min
#280: Why You Feel Jealous About Your Partner's Past (& How to Navigate It)
In today's episode, we're talking about retroactive jealousy — being an excessive preoccupation with a partner's romantic and/or sexual history, and feelings of intense insecurity and comparison as a result. This is a really common experience (one I used to struggle with myself!), particularly among those with anxious attachment patterns who already experience a hypervigilance to perceived relational threats coupled with low self-esteem and a fear of abandonment. We'll talk about how retroactive jealousy is often a branch off the "unworthiness" tree, and why starting there — with tending to our low self-worth — is often the fix. LinksFree resources for healing anxious attachmentFollow me on InstagramSubscribe to my YouTube channel
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About On Attachment
Join relationship coach Stephanie Rigg in On Attachment, where she delves deep into all things attachment theory, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you start making real changes in your life & relationships.
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