Free Daily Podcast Summary
Marriage Therapy Radio: Daily Summaries Delivered
by MTR
Look... every couple struggles. You fight too much; you're bored; sex is either okay (or rare); maybe you're even considering divorce. OR... maybe your marriage is actually pretty good, but you want to go deeper. In this podcast, straight-talking marriage therapist Zach Brittle tackle the most common complaints virtually every marriage experience. Along the way, they reveal the science behind strong relationships and talk about what's really going on for couples. Topics include conflict, communication, compatibility, money, sex, in-laws, infidelity, time-management, future dreams, and more. If you want relief? A deeper connection? A new way forward...? Then you've got to find out what's REALLY going on in your marriage. That's what this podcast is about.
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- 2 weeks ago45 min
Ep 448 Get Off the Couch. That's Where Life Happens w/Peter & Luisa Csathy
Zach sits down with Peter and Luisa Csathy, together 33 years and married 30. Peter is a media and tech guy who started his career as an entertainment lawyer, and for their 30th anniversary he secretly wrote Luisa a book: Hiding in Plain Sight: 10 Secrets to a Happy Marriage & Family. Zach wants to know two things: how a lawyer and tech executive ended up with opinions about marriage, and what Luisa thought when she found out.It starts with one of the better meet-cutes MTR has heard. On a Tuesday night in Beverly Hills, an exhausted Peter almost stayed on the couch instead of meeting his biggest client at the time, N.W.A. He went anyway, sat down with manager Jerry Heller while Suge Knight stood over the table, and worked up the courage to ask the hostess for her number. Luisa, 23 and finishing school at USC, brushed him off twice. He called anyway, left a voicemail she thought was cute, and after their first dinner she called a girlfriend to say, "I met the man I'm gonna marry." Peter calls it active serendipity: you don't wait for luck, you take action that puts you where good things can happen. From there the three talk about shared values, trusting your gut on big decisions, and what Luisa calls the yin and yang of two very different people. Zach adds his own take: a relationship takes two functional adults willing to dance, and he borrows a line from Ben Folds about an orchestra's job being to resolve dissonance. Music runs through the whole conversation, from festivals with their grown kids to Zach's advice to clients to change the sound of their home.The most honest moment comes when Luisa describes opening the book in an overwater bungalow in Bora Bora. She's a private person, and a gift that was supposed to be just for her was about to go out into the world. "It lost the intimacy, I think, for me," she says. Peter admits he expected a very different reaction, and that it would have hurt if she'd said no. They talked it through and met in the middle, which is the point of the whole episode.If you've been together a long time and life has gotten comfortable, quiet, or a little too frictionless, this conversation is a nudge to put the phone down, get out of the house, and stay curious about the person next to you.Key TakeawaysLuck is overrated. Active serendipity means taking the action that puts you where good things can happen.Life happens off the couch. Some of the best moments in a relationship start with the night you almost stayed home.A healthy relationship needs two functional adults who are willing to learn, adapt, and do more of what their partner likes.Differences aren't the problem. The work is resolving the dissonance between two people vibrating at different frequencies.Shared values matter more than shared personalities. When family is an automatic yes, a lot of other decisions get easier.Change the sound of your home. Sometimes putting on music is the simplest way to change the air between you.A gift can still land as a loss. When it does, talk it through and find the middle instead of defending your intentions.A frictionless life costs connection. Analog time, without screens, is where curiosity and intimacy get room to grow.Guest InfoPeter Csathy is chairman of Creative Media in Los Angeles and CEO of Deep Cuts Media. He started his career as an entertainment lawyer, where his early clients included N.W.A., then worked as a studio executive at Universal and New Line and led companies that sold to Yahoo and Logitech. For his and Luisa’s 30th anniversary, he secretly wrote Hiding in Plain Sight: 10 Secrets to a Happy Marriage & Family, available now on Amazon.Book site: hidinginplainsight.infoBook on Amazon: Hiding in Plain SightWebsite: Creative MediaLinkedIn: pcsathyThreads: @pcsathyLuisa Csathy is the founder and Chief Inspiration Officer of The Grounded Mind, a coaching and community hub in Encinitas, California. As a certified life coach, she works with young adults and purpose-driven people. She’s also Head of International at Creative Media. She and Peter met in 1993, when she was hostessing at a Beverly Hills restaurant and finishing school at USC, and they’ve been m
- 3 weeks ago46 min
Ep 447 How to Parent an Adult Child Who’s Stuck, with Kim and Tom Muench
Zach sits down with Kim and Tom Muench, married 34 years and parents of five kids who range in age from 21 to 39. Their story started before they did. Their parents were close friends who lived in side-by-side townhomes, Tom once babysat Kim and her younger brothers, and teenage Kim mostly thought of him as a dork. Years later, Kim moved in next door with her 3-year-old son, Nick, needed a date to her company Christmas party, and asked Tom. Six months later they were engaged. Tom’s careful plan (house in two years, baby two years after that) collapsed into a single year.From there, the conversation turns to how two very different parents raised five kids across three decades. Kim was 18 when she had Nick and 36 when she had Mia, their youngest, and she’s candid that she was a different parent each time. She read the books and chose to break from how she was raised: being grounded constantly as a teenager, she says, only taught her to lie until she could get out of the house. Tom was the provider and, by his own account, “the heavy,” the dad who said if you want a car, you get a job. They’re honest about the hardest stretch, too: rules that didn’t match between their house and Nick’s dad’s house, Tom knowing Nick was taking their liquor while Kim believed her son, and the call at 20 when Nick told her he couldn’t remember the last three days. Nick is 39 now and working his way back after a hard year, and Kim reflects on how different it is to face that with an adult than with a 21-year-old.The back half belongs to Kim’s work. Her book, Lost in Place, is a guide for parents of 18 to 30 year olds who aren’t becoming independent. She chose that phrase over “failure to launch” because if you’re lost, you can be found. She lays out the three things parents still control, her four Cs, and why this moment is so hard: screens, a generation that never socially recovered from COVID, high-potency marijuana, and parents who swung so far toward protecting their kids’ feelings that they can’t tolerate their own anxiety. If you’ve ever assumed parenting gets easier once they grow up, this episode resets that expectation and gives you a place to start.Key TakeawaysLittle kids are physically exhausting. Adult kids are mentally exhausting, because whatever illusion of control you had is gone.With an adult child, you control three things: how you show up, what you’re willing to provide, and how you respond to their choices.Stop trying to get someone else to do something. Focus on what you control, and the needle starts to move, slowly.Kim’s four Cs for showing up: clarity, calm, confidence, and consistency.Parenting from fear smells like control to your kids, and it breeds disconnection. Lead instead of control.If you want your adult child to follow through, model follow-through. Kids notice when your words and actions don’t match.Punishment can teach the wrong lesson. Kim’s constant groundings taught her to lie, so she never grounded her own kids.Two different parenting styles can work when you each know your lane and agree on the core values. In Tom’s words, “the same book, maybe a different chapter once in a while.”Guest InfoKim Muench (pronounced “Minch”)Certified parent coach (Jai Institute for Parenting, 2016) and founder of Real Life Parent Guide, based in Flower Mound, TexasCoaches parents of emerging adults, roughly 18 to 30, on communication, boundaries, and rebuilding trust, especially when mental health or substance use is involvedAuthor of Lost in Place: How to Support, Motivate, and Launch an Adult Child, and the memoir Becoming Me While Raising You: A Mother’s Journey to Her Self (2021)Runs a parent support group that meets twice a week, plus private coaching sessionsWebsite: https://www.reallifeparentguide.com/Instagram and TikTok: @kimmuenchparentcoachTom MuenchKim’s husband of 34 years and franchise partner at Expedia Cruises Flower Mound since 2017, after leaving corporate salesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Oct 13, 202636 min
Ep 446 How a 45-Year Marriage Works w/Meg Staley and Jerry Gretzinger on Rules, Resentment, and Recovery
Zach has watched the People Make Games documentary about Jerry's Map twice, and cried both times. So when Jerry Gretzinger and his wife Meg Staley join him, almost 45 years into their marriage, he sets the map aside and asks about the two of them. They met in SoHo in 1979 when Jerry hired Meg to handle press and sales for a designers' co-op. She was 29 and newly sober. He was nine years older, divorced, and a father of two. They became friends, then business partners, and eventually built Staley/Gretzinger, a one-of-a-kind clothing line sold in Nordstrom, Bloomingdale's, and Bergdorf Goodman.Two designers in one small company meant they had to make rules early: whoever led a product line got the final say, and the other could only offer a critique. Meg calls marriage a system of agreements, most of them unspoken, that only get looked at when they stop working. Jerry is honest about how hard it was to hand Meg the lead design role in a company that started as his, and how a small product line of his own, maybe 15% of the business, eased the resentment. They talk about bedtime fights, a hard stretch with a teenage son that sent them into couples therapy, and how the 12-step programs they both work gave them a shared language. Jerry still remembers the first question of his fourth-step inventory: what was your mother's relationship with her family?The last third gets tender. Jerry describes sobbing over the documentary's comments every time a viewer mentioned the couple's affection. Meg explains why his "do something and see what happens" process drives her crazy in the garden, and why the move from their Hudson Valley community to the family farm in Michigan, a sacrifice for her, started the sweetest 10 or 15 years of their marriage. If you want to hear what long love looks like when two people have already done the hard work, press play.Key TakeawaysMarriage runs on a system of agreements. Most of them are intuitive, and you only examine them when they collide.When two strong people share one space, decide in advance who gets the final say on what. Then let the other person critique without taking over.Resentment often comes from feeling you have no control or agency. Carving out even a small area that is fully yours can ease it.Kids change how you use your time. What used to be "my time" now takes an agreement with your partner.Couples therapy can work by giving you practice talking to each other, so the communication carries on after the sessions end.Understanding your parents often means understanding how they were parented. The question "what was your mother's relationship with her family?" can open a lot.Small acts of care, like asking whether your partner is drinking enough water, are how couples protect each other day to day.A marriage lasts when the relationship matters more than either person alone, and both are willing to give up something to keep it.Guest InfoMeg Staley Colorist, printmaker, and clothing designer. Meg grew up in Bellevue, Washington, graduated from Smith College as a printmaker, and worked at Nordstrom before moving to New York to represent small designers, one of whom was Jerry. Together they ran Staley/Gretzinger for about 25 years, with coverage in Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, and Elle, before selling the company. She now works as Meg Staley Handmade, making one-of-a-kind women's clothing, home goods, and commissioned legacy quilts from a family's own clothes, out of a studio in Cedar, Michigan, where she also hosts a women's AA meeting. She doesn't sell online. Website: megstaley.com Jerry Gretzinger Artist and clothing designer, born in Grand Rapids, Michigan, in 1942. Jerry studied architecture and liberal arts, served in the Peace Corps in Tunisia, and moved to New York in 1973, where he started a handbag company before co-founding Staley/Gretzinger with Meg. He is best known for Jerry's Map, an imaginary world he started as a doodle at a summer job in 1963. It has grown to more than 4,000 eight-by-ten-inch panels that keep changing according to a custom deck of cards. Website: jerrysmap.com Instagram: @jerrysmap_1963 YouTube: @jerrygretzinger9861 Facebook: jerrysmap1963The documentery film is found at <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Is8N7B9b0G
- Oct 6, 202648 min
Ep 445 Permission for Pleasure w/Dr. Jenni Skyler and Daniel Lebowitz
Zach talks with Dr. Jenni Skyler and Daniel Lebowitz, the married sex therapists behind the Intimacy Institute, and starts somewhere unexpected: their Sunday night calendar meeting. Before the conversation ever gets to the bedroom, Jenni and Daniel walk through the weekly check-in they swear by as parents of two boys, covering finances, kids' schedules, board meetings, and a bar mitzvah on the horizon. It's not sexy, Jenni admits, but she says it's exactly what clears her head enough to be present for the parts that are.From there, Zach brings them a pattern he's seeing again and again in his own practice: couples in their 40s, 50s, and 60s where she is waking up to her sexuality and he is coasting, happy with his garage and his sports and not all that interested. Jenni and Daniel lay out what they'd look for. They start with testosterone and move through resentment, an old affair that never healed, fear of his body failing him, and what Daniel calls a resistance to dreaming. Daniel's emergency brake image, where everything in a man's life carries just a little extra friction, is one of the clearest descriptions of low testosterone you'll hear. The couple also tells their origin stories. Jenni played Dr. Ruth to her friends and wrote her own Vagina Monologues piece in college. Daniel's grandmother asked about his sex life in front of his girlfriends, he lost his father when he was 7, and men's work led him, reluctantly, into sex therapy.The last stretch turns to pleasure itself. Jenni pushes back on the idea that we have to earn it, Zach floats a theory that people who struggle with pleasure in the bedroom might start at the dinner table, and Daniel shares a steak analogy that perfectly captures what performance anxiety does to sex. If your sex life has gone quiet, or one of you wants more than the other, this episode gives you a long list of places to look and a lot of permission to slow down.Key TakeawaysA weekly logistics check-in isn't romantic, but clearing the mental clutter of schedules and bills makes it easier to be present for intimacy.Intimacy can work like a junk drawer: the unresolved dynamics in a relationship tend to end up there, which is why working on intimacy often means working on everything else.Sex is often the symptom that gets a couple through the door, not the whole problem. The deeper work is usually underneath.When a midlife man's desire drops, the causes can include low testosterone, resentment, unhealed betrayal, depression, trauma, or fear that his body won't cooperate.Some partners stop hoping for a better sex life because it feels safer than being disappointed. "If I never get to go to Hawaii, then I won't miss it."A man who has always been the initiator may freeze when his partner starts initiating, especially if he has quietly relied on planning ahead to feel confident.You don't have to earn pleasure through suffering or productivity. Practicing it in everyday ways, like eating slowly or taking a warm shower, can make it easier to access in the bedroom.Rules and performance pressure crowd out pleasure. When you're focused on doing it right, you stop noticing what you're actually experiencing.Guest InfoDr. Jenni Skyler Sex therapist and founder of the Intimacy Institute, which she started before she met Daniel. Its mission is "giving all people permission for pleasure." She hosts the Sex and the Psyche podcast and is active on social as Dr. Jenni Skyler (spelled "with an I").Daniel Lebowitz Sex therapist at the Intimacy Institute who focuses on men's work and masculinity. He has a master's degree in Latin American studies and planned to become a history professor. He later trained as a therapist and joined the practice. He's not on social media.Jenni and Daniel are married with two sons, ages 10 and 12. The Intimacy Institute offers clinical sex and relationship therapy, from brief solution-focused work to longer, deeper relational work. They also run private multi-day couples intensives built around each couple.website: https://www.intimacyinstitute.org/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Sep 29, 202637 min
Ep 444 Why Couples Resist Change, and What It Costs to Stay Stuck w/Iona Monk & Pam Stewart
Zach flips the usual format and welcomes two fellow podcasters: Iona Monk and Pam Stewart, the therapists behind Relationship Dish. They're podcast partners, not romantic partners, and they're quick to add that they'd be a terrible match anyway (Iona pursues, Pam withdraws). Iona started the show to take the shame out of couples therapy. Couples tend to show up six or seven years too late, like walking into a dentist after years away and asking them to save the tooth. If two therapists can talk openly about their own marriages, maybe everyone else will get help sooner. Pam brings a different lens from years of family therapy, where parents often believe everything would be fine if the kid would just change.That idea turns into the backbone of the conversation: systems resist change. Iona calls it homeostasis, the pull back to whatever the body and brain already know. Pam calls it the "misery stabilizer," and points out how much energy it takes to keep things stuck. Zach pushes back on the idea that people hate change. They change their clothes every day. What they hate is loss, and they don't move until the cost of staying the same outweighs the cost of changing. From there, the three of them run with a Home Depot metaphor. Couples come in asking for tools, but a good helper asks what you're building first, and you don't hand a power saw to a kid. Iona shares a story about a couple who wanted "tools" mostly so one could hit the other over the head with them.The episode closes with Iona's new book, Happy for the Long Haul, which looks at marital conflict through five lenses, including relational trauma and what she calls the biological need for speed: the way growing up in chaos can leave your body craving the adrenaline of conflict. Zach connects it to what he calls relational recovery, the idea that all of us are hooked on the protective systems we learned as kids. It's a smart, funny, and practical conversation about why couples stay stuck and what it takes to finally move.Key TakeawaysPeople don't resist change. They resist loss. Name what the change will cost you, and it gets easier to face.You won't change until staying the same costs more than changing. Part of good therapy is helping you see that cost clearly.Staying miserable takes more energy than it looks like. Couples often realize this only after they've changed.Sometimes a couple avoids doing the work because failing would be scarier than staying stuck. Not trying protects the fantasy that things could be better "someday."Tools don't help until you know what you're building. Figure out whether you need fresh paint, a remodel, or a new foundation.A relationship tool can become a weapon. If you're using what you learned in therapy to prove your partner wrong, you're missing the point.The problem is rarely one person. It's the cycle you've built together, and that cycle is your common enemy.The survival strategies that protected you as a kid can sink you as an adult. You can survive or you can thrive, but you can't do both.Guest InfoIona Monk is a registered clinical counsellor in the greater Vancouver area with a graduate degree from the University of British Columbia. She works with couples and individuals, mainly through the lens of attachment and defense systems, with emotionally focused therapy as a core approach. She has 25 years of experience as a couples therapist. Iona co-hosts Relationship Dish and is the author of Happy for the Long Haul, a practical guide to building a marriage that goes the distance, drawn from her client work and her own 30-year relationship. The book came out September 22 and is available on Amazon.Pam Stewart is a registered clinical counsellor with master's degrees from the University of British Columbia and the University of Colorado. Her clinical focus is parents and children, helping families build healthy attachment relationships, often alongside child therapists and psychiatry as part of a coordinated care team. She says she's retired, but she still does some family therapy and has a side business in interior design. Pam and Iona met in grad school and co-host Relationship Dish together.Relationship Dish is a podcast where two therapists talk honestly about their own romantic relationships. New episodes come out every two weeks on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and other podcast apps.Iona's practice and show page: ionamonkcouplestherapy.com/relationshipdishBook: Happy for the Long Haul (Amazon)Show socials: Instagram @relationshipd
- Sep 22, 202638 min
Ep-443 An NPR Journalist, Her Audio Engineer Husband, and the Negotiation That Never Ends w/Yowei Shaw & Kyle Pulley
Zach talks with Yowei Shaw and Kyle Pulley, a married couple who make the podcast Proxy together, a show that investigates "emotional mysteries" by connecting people who feel alone in a specific conundrum with a stranger who has lived through something close to it. Yowei spent about seven years creating and hosting the NPR documentary series Invisibilia before she was laid off in 2023. Kyle co-owns a recording studio in Philadelphia and plays a hands on role in Proxy, mixing episodes, managing the spreadsheets, and generally functioning, in his own words, as Yowei's bedraggled podcast spouse. They met on OkCupid, where Yowei used a flimsy pretext (she asked Kyle, an audio engineer, for help recording a narration she had already written an article about how to do herself) to get to know a guy with cute band photos.Most of the conversation traces how that early flirtation turned into a real, ongoing negotiation. When Yowei's NPR job pulled her to DC, Kyle stayed in Philadelphia with his studio and his music scene, and for years the two of them lived split lives, with Yowei commuting by Amtrak and Kyle rearranging his schedule, his living situation, and his role in the house to make it work. The bigger shift came when Yowei's income outpaced Kyle's and she became, unexpectedly, the breadwinner. She's candid that this new power showed up in their fights as an unfair trump card, and just as candid about how getting laid off in 2023 flipped the dynamic again, sending her into what she calls a complete mess of a stretch that Kyle met with support instead of shame. They talk through what stuck from couples therapy, and the concept from Yowei's individual therapist about not letting one partner absorb all the worry in a relationship, a framework they still use today around money, the future of the show, and the question of having kids.What makes the conversation land isn't that Yowei and Kyle have solved any of this. It's that they've built small, repeatable structures, a weekly "proxy meeting" to keep the podcast's business from leaking into date nights, permission to have a real blowup about once a quarter and then let it go, honesty about which gender roles still sneak up on them even though they don't believe in them, that let two strong willed, creative people keep choosing each other. It's a warm, funny, unusually honest look at a relationship that runs on ongoing negotiation rather than a moment when everything got figured out.Key TakeawaysNegotiation isn't a phase a couple moves past. Kyle says what convinced him he wanted to stay was that they always came back to the negotiating table, not that they stopped needing to.A sudden shift in who earns more money changes the emotional balance of a relationship, not just the financial one, and both partners have to consciously renegotiate power along with the budget.A recurring check in meeting, even a literal business meeting with a whiteboard, keeps one source of stress (in this case, the podcast) from leaking into every other part of a relationship.Learning your own rhythm for conflict, how often you blow up and how you repair afterward, matters more than trying to avoid conflict altogether.When one partner absorbs all the worry or responsibility for the future, there's no room for the other to step in. Deliberately pulling back can invite a partner to show up.Gender roles a couple has rejected intellectually can still resurface underneath old fights, especially around money and caretaking.Unconditional support through a layoff or career setback, without shame or pressure to hurry up, can become the turning point that redefines who carries a relationship's weight.Couples therapy can feel like it's taking sides when it's actually just holding both partners equally accountable, and that discomfort is often the useful part.Guest InfoYowei Shaw, creator and host of Proxy, an independent, mostly listener-funded podcast that investigates specific, private emotional conundrums. She calls herself an emotional investigative journalist. Before Proxy she spent years at NPR as a producer, co-host, and editorial lead on Invisibilia, with earlier stints as a temp on Fresh Air and stories for This American Life. Invisibilia was canceled and she was laid off from NPR in 2023, after which she built Proxy independently from Philadelphia.Website: https://yoweishaw.com Show: https://proxypodcast.com Instagram: @yoweishaw (personal), @proxypodcast (show) Kyle Pulley, Philadelphia music producer, audio engineer, and bassist. Co-founder and co-owner of Headroom Studios (wit
- Sep 15, 202649 min
Ep 442 Inside a Real Gottman Marriage: Don and Carrie Cole on Repair, Second Marriages, and The New Marriage Clinic Casebook
Zach sits down with Don and Carrie Cole, the Gottman Institute's clinical director and research director, and asks the question the show always comes back to: forget the credentials, what actually makes your own marriage work? Both Coles came into this relationship out of first marriages that failed. Don spent years stuffing his feelings to avoid upsetting his first wife, and it cost him the marriage. Carrie survived a relationship that was psychologically and physically abusive, what she still calls "manhandling" rather than assign it the harsher name it deserves. Thirty years later, with an anniversary trip already booked, they're still negotiating a blended family, a chronic disagreement about punctuality, and an unmade bed, while trying to actually practice what they've spent their careers teaching.The conversation moves fast between the personal and the professional, because for the Coles those two things are the same material. Don walks through the three words he tells every couple in therapy, "that makes sense," and what it costs him to mean them when his wife brings him a plan he didn't ask for. Carrie explains the physiological version of the same idea, how her heart rate visibly drops when Don validates her, and how the worst sign in a relationship isn't two partners fighting, it's one partner's pain landing on a partner who feels nothing at all. They trace their own origin story back to a staff meeting in the mid-90s, before they were a couple, when Don asked Carrie if she'd ever heard of John Gottman and she said she owned everything he'd ever written. From there the two of them talk candidly about where the Gottman Method runs out of answers, the couples where one partner is in and one is out, the ones who've gone flat instead of fighting, and where they'd push back on John Gottman himself if the science let them.The back half of the episode turns to The New Marriage Clinic Casebook, a new collection Don and Carrie edited for the Gottman Institute, seventeen chapters from seventeen different clinicians, including one contributed by Zach himself. The throughline of the book is that almost nobody walks into couples therapy with just a relationship problem. Depression, addiction, trauma, eating disorders, and affairs all tend to show up in the room too, and Don and Carrie talk through which chapters from their contributors surprised them and why. Zach's read on the whole conversation, echoed straight back to him, is the throughline of just about every good relationship the show has ever featured: take care of your own side of the street first. For anyone who assumes the experts have it figured out and the rest of us are just behind, this is a look at two people who wrote the research and still have to work at it.Key TakeawaysLearning to speak up about your needs, instead of stuffing them to keep the peace, is what prevented Don's second marriage from repeating his first one's slow build of resentment.Surviving an abusive first marriage taught Carrie two rules for her second: never allow herself to be mistreated again, and never let anyone tell her no. That's what she credits for her lasting gratitude toward Don.Once you control for blended families and stepchildren, the divorce rate for second marriages isn't actually higher than for first marriages, it just looks that way in the aggregate."That makes sense" is Don's shorthand for accepting influence. You don't have to agree with your partner's plan to validate that their reasoning makes sense, and doing it consistently changes the emotional temperature of a marriage.Repair after snapping at your partner isn't about placating them. It's about recognizing you crossed a line with someone you love and making it right, which is a different motivation entirely.In relationship research, mutual negativity between partners is actually a better sign than indifference. A partner whose mood isn't affected at all by their spouse's distress is a worse predictor than a couple who fights.Real validation has three steps: naming the feeling, having your partner accurately reflect it back, and confirming out loud that they got it. That third step, confirmed understanding, is what actually lands.The hardest couples to treat aren't the loud ones. They're the ambivalent couples where one partner is in and one is out, and the "disaffected" couples who've stopped fighting because they've stopped caring.Guest InfoDr. Don Cole Clinical director of the Gottman InstituteDr. Carrie Cole Research director of the Gottman InstituteThey've been married almost 30 years, a second marriage for both, and blended a family that included Carrie's two children from her first marriage and Don's son. They're on the episode to talk about their own relationship and to introduce The New Marriage Clinic C
- Sep 8, 202641 min
Ep 441 The Women Who Cheat And The Betrayed Men w/Adam & Judith Nisenson
Zach sits down with Adam and Judith Nisenson, a husband and wife who both work in the betrayal space from opposite sides. Adam is known online as the betrayal shrink and works almost exclusively with men who have been cheated on. Judith works with women who have cheated, and hosts her own podcast, Women Cheat Too. They're four years into their second marriage together, and Zach opens by asking who they are as a couple before getting into the work.The conversation moves through their own story first: seven years of friendship before their first date, and Adam telling Judith he was all in before their first weekend together was even over. From there they get into the parts of betrayal that rarely get said out loud. Judith argues that women almost never cheat for sex itself, that it's usually a transactional stand in for validation and attention they aren't getting at home. Adam pushes back on the double standard that lets men off the hook for cheating while women who cheat get treated like the lowest part of the earth. They also talk candidly about their own healing: Judith describes losing her voice in her first marriage and slowly rebuilding it through yoga training and years in Landmark Worldwide, and Adam traces his own change back to the Mankind Project and the fear he carried into his first marriage of ever speaking his truth.Where the episode really lands is Adam's phrase for it: the gift of betrayal. He tells the men in his groups that if they aren't willing to look at their own part, not the affair itself, but the avoidance or unconsciousness that made room for it, there's no gift in going through it at all. Judith and Adam agree on something bigger too: betrayal is betrayal, whether it's an affair or a partner who quietly checked out of the marriage years before they said so, and nobody gets to rank whose pain counts more.For a couple listening who suspects they're further along in this than they want to admit, or for anyone bracing to hear that their own version of betrayal doesn't count because no one physically cheated, this episode makes the case that the work is the same either way: find your voice, stop pretending, and do the far harder job of understanding what happened instead of just surviving it.Key TakeawaysWomen rarely cheat for the sex itself, it's usually a stand in for validation, attention, and feeling seenSociety punishes women who cheat far more harshly than it punishes men who cheatAn emotional affair can do as much damage as a physical one, sometimes moreLosing your own voice in a relationship is its own quiet form of betrayalHealing starts with the individual work, not the couples workReframing an affair as "the gift of betrayal" only works if you're willing to look at your own partBetrayal isn't only an affair. A partner who checked out long before they said so counts too, and the impact isn't a competitionSmall, consistent rituals, like a monthly love letter, keep a relationship honest over the long runGuest InfoAdam Nisenson, LMFT, CSAT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex addiction therapist known online as The Betrayal Shrink. His own betrayal journey started 13 years ago, and out of it he created the Masculine Betrayal Trauma (MBT) framework for how men uniquely experience and process partner betrayal. He wrote A Man's Guide to Partner Betrayal: Overcoming the Pain and Repercussions of a Cheating Partner, hosts the podcast Men Get Cheated On Too!, and runs private coaching, men's betrayal groups, and Brotherhood in Betrayal retreats. Website: betrayalshrink.com Instagram: @betrayalshrinkJudith Flores-Nisenson is the founder of WomensWRK, an ICF Associate Certified Coach (ACC) and APSATS Certified Partner Coach (CPC) who works with women on every side of betrayal, including women who've betrayed a partner. She hosts the podcast Women Cheat Too!, now more than 50 episodes in, and runs coaching groups including an 8-week Women Cheat TOO track. Also known professionally as Judith Nisenson. Website: womenswrk.com Instagram: @womens.wrkAdam and Judith are married, and often present complementary sides of betrayal work, Adam with men who've been cheated on, Judith with women who've done the cheating.See Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"
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About Marriage Therapy Radio
Look... every couple struggles. You fight too much; you're bored; sex is either okay (or rare); maybe you're even considering divorce. OR... maybe your marriage is actually pretty good, but you want to go deeper. In this podcast, straight-talking marriage therapist Zach Brittle tackle the most common complaints virtually every marriage experience. Along the way, they reveal the science behind strong relationships and talk about what's really going on for couples. Topics include conflict, communication, compatibility, money, sex, in-laws, infidelity, time-management, future dreams, and more. If you want relief? A deeper connection? A new way forward...? Then you've got to find out what's REALLY going on in your marriage. That's what this podcast is about.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What is Podzilla's Marriage Therapy Radio daily summary?
It's a free AI-powered email that summarizes new episodes of Marriage Therapy Radio as soon as they're published. You get the key takeaways, notable quotes, and links & mentions — all in a quick read.
How does the Marriage Therapy Radio podcast summary work?
When a new episode drops, our AI transcribes and analyzes it, then generates a personalized summary tailored to your interests and profession. It's delivered to your inbox every morning.
Is this an official Marriage Therapy Radio product?
No. Podzilla is an independent service that summarizes publicly available podcast content. We're not affiliated with or endorsed by MTR.
Can I get summaries of other podcasts too?
Absolutely! The free plan covers up to 3 podcasts, any in the catalog. Basic raises that to 15, Pro to 40 and Max to 100. Browse our full catalog at /podcasts.
How often does Marriage Therapy Radio release new episodes?
Marriage Therapy Radio publishes weekly. Our AI generates a summary within hours of each new episode.
What topics does Marriage Therapy Radio cover?
Marriage Therapy Radio covers topics including Education, Fitness, Relationships, Culture, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture, Mental Health. Our AI identifies the specific themes in each episode and highlights what matters most to you.
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