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Infinite Devotion: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Andrew & Dawn - infinitedevotion.com
Most long-term relationships end up in the same place. Two good people who love each other, living like roommates, wondering where the fire went and whether it's ever coming back. Andrew and Dawn refused to accept that this was just what love becomes. Infinite Devotion is the podcast for people who want both. Deep intimacy and intense desire, with the same person, for a lifetime, in a way that gets better instead of fading. Not as a fantasy, but as something that is actually possible, and actually lived. Andrew draws from more than fifteen years of marriage to Dawn, years that started out intense and spicy, went all the way down into a dead bedroom and codependent silence, and all the way back to something even better. This is everything they walked through together to come out the other side into something neither of them knew was available. The lessons learned in that process have nothing to do with techniques or strategies. They have everything to do with who you actually are underneath all of the performing, what masculine and feminine energy actually are and why they matter, and what becomes possible when two people stop hiding and start showing up as themselves. Dawn joins the conversation when she has something to say. Between the two of them, you get both sides of what this actually looks like from the inside of a conscious, fully alive marriage. Each episode goes deep into the real causes of why love loses its heat, what it takes to bring it back, and what a relationship built on genuine polarity, embodiment, and devotion can become over a lifetime. This is not relationship advice. This is what happens when two people refuse to settle.
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- 1 weeks ago54 min
Why Won't My Wife Have Sex With Me? | Infinite Devotion Episode 155
Why Won't My Wife Have Sex With Me? Around 2014 I typed that exact question into Google. It started everything Dawn and I do now. This is part one of a two-part series, and it's for the men. Dawn and I get into why the pull you felt at the beginning never actually died, how desire slowly turns into obligation, and why you can never talk a woman into wanting you. Then we get practical about the half of this a man can actually control. Next week, part two: her side of it. In this episode we get into: What sex and desire were like at the beginning for us, and what that proves The "infatuation stage" assumption, and why I refused to believe it How wanting each other turns into trying to keep each other Why there's no room for desire inside obligation The night I lay in bed arguing with Dawn about why she should want me Deciding to stop asking her to want me, and to become a man she actually wants Choosing to stay, even if it never worked, and what that taught me about devotion Dawn's honest take on how most men present themselves (she doesn't pull punches) The low-hanging fruit: clothes, grooming, shoes, fitness, and getting your health checked Whether you actually approve of women being sexual beings, and the Madonna-whore split How enmeshment makes desire structurally impossible Chapters 00:00 The question that started everything 03:11 What sex was like at the beginning 06:24 Where does the pull go? 08:40 The "infatuation stage" 11:03 Can you want what you already have? 12:29 From wanting each other to keeping each other 13:31 What changed in me 16:22 Desire is something she feels in response to you 19:16 Stress, money, and the man she stopped seeing 22:03 The half you can control 23:31 The night I tried to talk her into wanting me 26:54 Done asking, becoming a man she wants 32:07 Choosing to stay 34:04 Physical attraction matters 35:03 Dawn on how men present themselves 39:14 The easy stuff: clothes, grooming, shoes 41:11 How would you show up if you were dating again? 42:05 Get your health checked 43:11 Do you approve of women's sexuality? 45:09 The Madonna-whore split 49:36 She's a sexual being, and not only toward you 52:15 Enmeshment and your independent life 53:21 You can still have this Mentioned in this episode Function Health, where Dawn and I get our bloodwork done: click here for $25 off Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity Giving To Receive: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog/giving-to-receive The Infinite Devotion book, out November 10: https://infinitedevotion.com/book Listen to the full episode Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w YouTube: https://youtu.be/c5IACzRhxS8 More from Infinite Devotion Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
- 2 weeks ago58 min
Marriage in 320 Square Feet | Infinite Devotion Episode 154
Dawn and I have lived full-time in our RV for almost two years. We live together, work together, travel together, and do all of it in a house with four rooms, thin walls, and a garden hose for plumbing. When a man heard about this recently, he looked at me and said, "You must be really good people." We like each other, which helps. Mostly, we've gotten good at navigating discomfort. In this episode Dawn and I talk about what close quarters actually do to a marriage: the space you can't get from each other, the noise you can't control, and what this life has taught both of us about meeting our own needs without making the other person the problem. Then we stick around for a game of "who's more likely to," which gets a little spicy. In this episode we get into: Dawn crying through a wave of grief five feet from me making breakfast, and why she didn't ask me to stop Why the biggest challenge of a small space is emotional room, more than physical room What happens to a marriage when the eight hours apart disappear The weekenders, a 10 PM golf cart parade, and recording content with a remote control car outside the bedroom wall Three nights of storms, a 300-mile tow, and the dent in the truck that reminds me not to drive exhausted Hard water, Dawn's hair, and the real logistics of plumbing a house with a garden hose The laundromat saga in Michigan's Upper Peninsula Enforced minimalism, and why we still dress up in a campground Dawn's one-word answer when strangers ask what we do for work Who's more likely to: forget things, wake the other up, get sappy, speed, laugh at a funeral, and forget how thin the walls are The recipe app Dawn and I built together The Infinite Devotion book launches November 10 CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Marriage in 320 square feet 04:00 Why this episode, and the game coming at the end 05:14 The biggest challenge: room for your own energy and emotions 08:13 Four rooms, one small house 09:54 The outdoors as living space 12:18 Sickness, flexibility, and being together almost constantly 14:13 Thin walls, the weekenders, and a golf cart parade 18:04 Storms, earplugs, and the dent in the truck 21:30 Thin walls and recording content 23:08 A tiny bathroom, and a month in a real house 24:38 Hard water, softeners, shower filters, and reverse osmosis 28:32 Laundry on the road 30:14 Surprising each other in a small space 31:43 Enforced minimalism and the wardrobe question 33:43 Dressing up in a campground 36:08 "So what do you do for work?" 38:28 The "who's more likely to" game 40:32 Packing, campsite frustrations, and middle-of-the-night wake-ups 44:54 Forgetfulness, letting go, and fist bumps 47:20 Sappy moments, misremembering, and laughing at the wrong time 48:02 The spicier round 51:05 Video ideas, speeding tickets, and who's the better cook 54:57 Dawn's cookbook app 57:46 The book launches November 10 Mentioned in this episode The Infinite Devotion book, out November 10. Get notified: https://infinitedevotion.com/book Our RV: Brinkley Z 3515 Hears sleep earplugs (not an affiliate) Dawn of Desire: https://dawnofdesire.com Prefer to read? The companion essay: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog/marriage-in-320-square-feet Listen to the full episode Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w YouTube: <
- 3 weeks ago31 min
Why She Doesn’t Feel Safe With You (Even Though You’d Never Hurt Her) | Infinite Devotion Episode 153
Why She Doesn’t Feel Safe With You (Even Though You’d Never Hurt Her) | Infinite Devotion Episode 153 Ask most men if their woman feels safe with them and the answer comes fast: of course she does, I’d never hurt her. That’s the floor. Underneath it is a layer of safety almost no man accounts for, and it decides whether she ever truly lets go in his presence: whether she can tell him the truth. People will lie to you unless they feel safe enough not to. In this episode I get into why hiding is the human default, why comfort and safety are two different things, and why the only man a woman can fully trust is one who tells her the truth when it costs him something. In this episode we get into: Martha Beck’s year without a single lie, and why losing her marriage, career, and home felt like “safety, safety, safety” Why everyone you love has edited themselves for you, probably today The layer of fear most women carry that most men never see Comfort as the absence of friction, and safety as knowing where you stand The arm test from Diary of a CEO, and how Dawn and I use it to find what’s true in our bodies Why keeping the peace makes you untrustworthy, and why she can feel it even when she can’t name it Leading by going first, and the one sentence that makes saying a hard thing possible What it cost me to admit why I really started my old business Why the man who can’t say the hard thing usually can’t hear it either How the truth brings back the fire you had at the beginning Where to start: a journal, a friend, and one thing you’ve been afraid to say Mentioned in this episode Martha Beck, The Way of Integrity: https://marthabeck.com/the-way-of-integrity/ Last week’s episode with GS Youngblood: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog/powerful-at-work-powerless-at-home-how-to-lead-a-strong-woman Listen to the full episode Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion More from Infinite Devotion Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 What Safety Really Means 01:19 Truth Requires Safety 02:58 Martha Beck Truth Year 06:26 Women and Deeper Fear 07:40 Body Knows the Truth 09:22 Truth Changes Your Life 11:41 Comfort Versus Safety 16:41 Lead With Hard Truths 20:12 Receive Her Truth Too 23:19 Reviving Long Relationships 24:45 Let Truth Wash Away 27:34 Practices to Tell Truth 30:38 Final Challenge and Wrap
- 4 weeks ago1h 11m
Powerful at Work, Powerless at Home: Leading a Strong Woman with GS Youngblood | Infinite Devotion Episode 152
Powerful at Work, Powerless at Home: Leading a Strong Woman with GS Youngblood | Infinite Devotion Episode 152 I haven't had a guest on this show in over a year. I decided I'd only bring someone on if I really wanted to talk to them, and it took a year to find that person. GS Youngblood is the author whose books I've bought and given away more than anyone else's, and when he talks to men about relationships, you can hear that he has lived every word. GS spent seventeen years in the tech industry before a divorce left him feeling like a failure and sent him looking for a better way. Twenty years of study, and a thirteen-year relationship with a woman who carries both a strong feminine and a strong masculine, became the laboratory for his Masculine Blueprint: three elements that, embodied daily, put a man back in his masculine core and let his woman feel safe enough to open. In this episode we get into: Why so many men run teams at work and fold the moment their woman gets upset Respond versus react, and why good intentions vanish the second the fight starts The little boy trying to get out of trouble, and where that "oh shit" feeling really comes from "I may or may not be the problem, but I am the solution," and how to take full responsibility without drowning in blame The trifecta of embodiment practice, therapy, and coaching How to feel deeply without becoming the "emotional flow boy," and what it means to hold your emotions and share them judiciously Logistical, emotional, and sexual leadership, and why all of it starts with inner clarity What to do when she asks you to lead and then shoots down every attempt The sentence his ex-wife said that took him years to fully understand: "I can do all this stuff. I just don't want to have to." Strong spine, big heart Holding her fire, setting a boundary without leaving connection, and the line between a hard truth and actual abuse Why everything she feels is accurate to something, even when it doesn't match the facts The fear most women carry that most men never account for Connect with GS Youngblood Website: https://gsyoungblood.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/gsyoungbloodmir Books (on Amazon): The Masculine in Relationship and The Art of Embodiment for Men More from Infinite Devotion Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro 00:48 Why His Work Resonates 02:38 The Leadership Challenge 04:42 Origin of the Blueprint 08:04 Doing vs Embodying 11:19 Three Blueprint Elements 11:44 Respond Versus React 17:18 Nervous System Over Mindset 18:36 Responsibility Without Blame 23:43 Deescalating Conflict Fast 27:16 Feeling Emotions Like a Man 31:29 Flow Boy vs Containment 34:02 Provide Structure Leadership 35:15 Inner Clarity to Lead 37:11 Logistical Emotional Sexual Leadership 38:53 Why Leading Gets Rejected 39:30 Build Conviction and Start Small 42:24 Finding Inner Clarity 45:49 Work Mode vs Relationship Mode 53:12 Safety and Emotional Containment 56:49 Boundaries and Abuse Labels 01:05:59 Fear Empathy and Truth
- Sep 28, 20261h 11m
Why I'm Not Threatened When Other Men Want My Wife | Infinite Devotion Episode 151
Dawn sat down with a list of questions and didn't tell me what was on it. We were both in tears within the first five minutes. A few weeks ago I posted, "I don't want you to be mine. I want you to be free and choose to stay." On Facebook it reached over a million people, and plenty of them were angry. One said that giving a partner that much freedom will turn even the best person into a bully. Another asked if it meant Dawn was done surrendering. This episode answers both. It's also the first time I've told the story of what happened on a beach in Los Angeles seven months ago, when I asked Dawn to stand up. We also get into why most men's ideas about leading are really about getting, what faith becomes once it stops being a way to avoid questions, and why male, man, and masculine mean three different things. In this episode: What we each love about ourselves and each other (it got emotional fast) The beach in LA, and why I asked Dawn to stand before offering her a new symbol of her surrender Dawn on finding her own wholeness and choosing to follow from there instead of from self-abandonment Why freedom doesn't turn your partner into a bully, and why I don't set boundaries on what Dawn can do Two sentences that make everything make sense: there are no contradictions, and check your premises Why your body sometimes has to learn to trust you again before you can fully trust it Walking out of Catholic education at 13, and what faith means to us now Male, man, and masculine, and what actually makes a male become a man Do I get a blowjob every day? (No. And the men who want one are giving themselves away.) Why other men seeing and wanting Dawn doesn't threaten me Marriage as a choice you make every single day The teachers who've shaped me most, and the one I've learned the most from by far The book: Infinite Devotion comes out November 10. Join the email list at https://infinitedevotion.com to get notified when it's available! More from Infinite Devotion: Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
- Sep 21, 202644 min
Why I No Longer Have a Love Language (It Was Lying to Me) | Infinite Devotion Episode 150
Everyone knows their love language. Couples quiz each other on it, therapists assign the book as homework, and it gets treated as the starting point of relational wisdom. In this episode I take the framework apart. Your love language is real, and it is telling you something true. It is a precise map of where your emptiness lives: the exact spot where your okayness depends on your partner's behavior. I share my own story with words of affirmation, how the neediness underneath it played out with Dawn for years, and what finally filled the void that no amount of her words ever could. In this episode: What Gary Chapman actually got right, and where the prescription built on top of it goes wrong What each of the five love languages confesses about where your self-abandonment lives Where the emptiness comes from, and why your partner can never fill it Three tests you can run tonight: joy or relief, what happens if they stop, and who you were really excited for when you found the quiz How my collapse into neediness pressed on Dawn's oldest wounds Why love from outside only ever lands on the performance Inner child work: the only substance shaped like the hole What love languages become when neither person needs anything Read the full companion post on the blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog/why-i-no-longer-have-a-love-language-it-was-lying-to-me Have a question about this episode? Send it through the contact page at infinitedevotion.com and I will answer it on a future Q&A. Questions for Dawn are welcome too; she will take them on in a future Ask Dawn Anything. If this episode was valuable to you, a five star review takes fifteen seconds and helps us reach more people. It is the only thing I will ever ask of you. More from Infinite Devotion: Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Love Languages Hype 01:35 Framework vs Prescription 03:51 Love Language as Emptiness Map 07:21 Where Emptiness Comes From 16:02 Why It Turns Transactional 22:33 Relief or Joy Tests 24:30 Andrew and Dawn Story 33:06 Filling the Void Within 38:32 Love Without Strings 41:15 Use Love Language as Diagnosis 43:51 Closing and Next Steps
- Sep 14, 202648 min
How To Be Untriggerable | Infinite Devotion Episode 149
How to Be Untriggerable | Infinite Devotion Episode 149 In this week’s episode Dawn and I dig into a word I've used for years, one that keeps coming back to me from listeners, especially men: untriggerable. This episode is about what that word actually means to us, why most people go about it the wrong way, and what it's really taken for us to get to the other side of the things that used to set us off. In This Episode Why the word "untriggerable" resonates with so many people, and why nobody wants to feel triggered in the first place Why we can't discipline our way into being untriggerable, and why effort and force actually work against us The real definition: being untriggerable means encountering the thing that used to upset us and having it not upset us anymore, not forcing ourselves to not react Why we have to let ourselves get triggered, fully and repeatedly, instead of trying to shut the reaction down The four survival responses, fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, and how each one has shown up differently for each of us Why the fawn response is likely the most common one in men, and how it shows up as the "nice guy" pattern Why being untriggerable is never about the moment we're in, it's about what happens next time How resisting a trigger keeps it alive, and why trying to talk ourselves out of a feeling is the same suppression that created the pattern to begin with Gabor Maté's idea that trauma is self-inflicted, meaning the event is one thing and the ongoing suffering we build on top of it is another How single-sentence beliefs get written in childhood, before language even exists, and how life keeps handing us "evidence" for them Why it can take until your late 30s or 40s for these patterns to run out of road The different way triggers show up for men and women: women often protect the physical body, men often protect the heart, and why understanding that difference matters more than fully relating to it Why "your triggers are gifts" is true even though it hasn't felt that way to us in the moment Why this whole process isn't something we can do perfectionistically, and what it's actually felt like as it's started to change for us Quotes Worth Sitting With "You can't discipline yourself out of a reaction." "Being untriggerable isn't about this time. Think about next time." "Every attempt to talk yourself out of feeling what you're already feeling is the whole process just keeping itself alive." "The trauma is all based in the reaction that we have to it, and the meanings that we make out of it."
- Sep 7, 202652 min
The Kid Nobody Picked: An Open Q&A With My Men's Group | Infinite Devotion Episode 148
The Kid Nobody Picked: An Open Q&A With My Men's Group | Infinite Devotion Episode 148 Every Wednesday morning I get on a call with the men inside Becoming a Dominant Man and answer their questions. This time I flipped it and told them to ask me anything. They did. What came back was a mix of the light and the heavy, which is how life actually goes. My bike. My sex toys, or lack thereof. What it actually takes to prepare for a nomadic life. How you get a dog to the vet without an address. And the friend who died at 38 a few days before this call, and what that did to my thinking about power exchange, plans, and time. The heaviest question was the one about what makes me different as a dominant man. The answer is nothing, except that I've been willing to sit down with the seven year old who got picked on all day and let him say what he never got to say. Including the part where I admitted, out loud, that I still half believe nobody likes me. In this episode: The bike I ride and why drop bars saved my shoulders Best and worst part of RV life (same answer for both) Whether constant novelty kills novelty My two biggest challenges building a 24/7 power exchange, and why life never gets in the way of it Ten years of preparation, six months of purging, and the storage unit I now regret Why community on the road is still the problem I haven't solved Escapees mail service, Banfield, Discount Tire, and the unglamorous logistics of no fixed address Abundance as acceptance, Carl Jung, and the two year old running most men's lives Why a sailboat would be a hundred times harder than an RV The only honest answer to "where's your favorite place you've been" More from Infinite Devotion: Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
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About Infinite Devotion
Most long-term relationships end up in the same place. Two good people who love each other, living like roommates, wondering where the fire went and whether it's ever coming back. Andrew and Dawn refused to accept that this was just what love becomes. Infinite Devotion is the podcast for people who want both. Deep intimacy and intense desire, with the same person, for a lifetime, in a way that gets better instead of fading. Not as a fantasy, but as something that is actually possible, and actually lived. Andrew draws from more than fifteen years of marriage to Dawn, years that started out intense and spicy, went all the way down into a dead bedroom and codependent silence, and all the way back to something even better. This is everything they walked through together to come out the other side into something neither of them knew was available. The lessons learned in that process have nothing to do with techniques or strategies. They have everything to do with who you actually are underneath all of the performing, what masculine and feminine energy actually are and why they matter, and what becomes possible when two people stop hiding and start showing up as themselves. Dawn joins the conversation when she has something to say. Between the two of them, you get both sides of what this actually looks like from the inside of a conscious, fully alive marriage. Each episode goes deep into the real causes of why love loses its heat, what it takes to bring it back, and what a relationship built on genuine polarity, embodiment, and devotion can become over a lifetime. This is not relationship advice. This is what happens when two people refuse to settle.
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