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Elephant Graveyard: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Abuda
According to legend, the elephant knows when the end is near. Rather than trying to stick with the herd and potentially slowing them down, the elephant heads for the elephant graveyard. Here he can not only die in peace, but his descendants can easily locate him and visit his remains in the future.Abuda is an old elephant, the human kind, who has retreated to his sacred place. Each episode, he reflects on life as he prepares for his death."They say that somewhere in Africa the elephants have a secret grave where they go to lie down, unburden their wrinkled gray bodies, and soar away, light spirits at the end." Robert R. McCammon
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- Today19 min
S02 Episode 5 - The Death Sentence
OverviewAbuda reflects on the psychological weight of medical uncertainty while awaiting a neurological diagnosis.## Medical JourneyAbuda describes his recent efforts to seek medical certainty regarding debilitating physical symptoms. After experiencing significant pain and neurological issues, he underwent various exams in Italy, including spinal taps and electroshock therapy. An MRI was not possible due to a steel screw in his shoulder from 1982 of unknown material. A neurologist identified a disconnect in his neurological system, suggesting potential Multiple Sclerosis, but definitive results are pending. Will the tests confirm a specific diagnosis, or will the results remain inconclusive?## Psychological ImpactAbuda draws parallels between his situation and the experience of a death row inmate named Robert Sullivan, noting that uncertainty is more taxing than the reality of a sentence. He discusses the internal struggle between self-doubt and the validation provided by his former partner and medical professionals.Abuda expresses a desire to provide his daughters with certainty so they can process his condition rather than living with unresolved doubt. He notes a tendency to reframe trauma as stories, though he acknowledges the difficulty of managing acute pain, such as a recent injury to his sciatic nerve.## Philosophical ReflectionsThe narrative concludes with reflections on the universality of mortality and the pursuit of truth. Abuda views the eventual diagnosis as a way to allow his family to address attachments and say what needs to be said.He compares his wait to a jury's deliberation, seeking an "accredited" truth to end the period of denial and uncertainty for himself and his loved ones.He hopes that, like Robert Sullivan, he might eventually find the peace that comes with knowing the truth.
- Mar 7, 202633 min
S02 Episode 4 - Dying one piece at a time
Abuda reflects on his adventurous life, highlighting a significant experience climbing Mount Fuji in 1996. Despite numerous accomplishments, the climb taught him profound lessons about Japan's culture and the interconnectedness of nature and society.He also discusses his chronic pain, likening it to "dying one piece at a time," and shares his struggle with managing pain and the emotional toll it takes.Abuda's reflections on death, influenced by his near-death experience at birth, emphasize the importance of understanding and accepting the process of dying, drawing parallels to his mother's experience with chronic pain.Transcripthttps://otter.ai/u/VKLK9fNPR5F5_-nWY9FJk2yfgR4
- Dec 23, 202528 min
S02 Episode 3 - Living Fully for Chronic Pain
In this episode, Abuda discusses his experience with chronic pain, which began at 17 after a car accident that fractured his facial bones.He details the various types of chronic pain he endures, including migraines and daily headaches, and the strategies he uses to manage them, such as ibuprofen, yoga, and mindfulness meditation. Abuda emphasizes the importance of acceptance and adaptation, sharing how he integrates preventative measures into his daily life to mitigate pain.He also highlights the role of living fully and engaging in activities as a form of distraction and coping mechanism, ultimately finding value in his experiences despite the ongoing pain.Transcripthttps://otter.ai/u/K-2uUC4QZ8Xs1WL5BbxAUCqBnqg
- Oct 14, 202542 min
S02 Episode 2- The Retreat
s2e2 the retreat Ever wondered what happens at a mindfulness retreat? So did Abuda.In the special episode, Abuda, the host of "The Elephant's Graveyard," shares his experiences at a mindful cooking retreat at Plum Village in France.He discusses his long-standing admiration for Thich Nhat Han and his anxiety about attending the retreat, which he attributes to post-traumatic retreat syndrome.He details daily activities, including meditation, exercise, and cooking, and reflects on the emotional and spiritual growth he experiences.He highlights the importance of community, the impact of the nuns, and the transformative power of the retreat environment.concludes by expressing gratitude for the connections made and the profound impact of the retreat on his life.
- Apr 30, 202510 min
S02 Episode 1 - Where I am Death is Not
In the second season of his podcast, "The Elephant's Graveyard," host Abuda reflects on his life and the podcast's initial focus on death, which stemmed from a catastrophic incident that left him bedridden for six months.He now realizes that the "Elephant's Graveyard" is not a place to prepare for death but to live alone, free from the influence of others for the first time in his life.At 63, Abuda is experiencing a newfound freedom to make choices without considering others, a stark contrast to his past filled with interpersonal relationships. He plans to explore this new phase of living alone in his mind and decisions.
- Aug 22, 202411 min
S01 Episode 6 - Deathlines
"Today, I received notice that a friend of mine from high school died, died of a stroke. It was somebody who I had known early in life, but until something happened, we didn't really have a connection. In 1979 my senior year in high school, six of my friends in 1979 my senior year in high school, six of my friends and classmates died. Now that might not mean much in a large city school, but in my school, that was over 6% of the class of the senior class.It had a huge impact on us, because they didn't die at once. They actually died over a series of events. The first one expected a girl with a terminal disease, the second one shocking suicide by a young freshman who had everything to live for. Then two friends who fell mountain climbing, then another who died in a fire in his house. And with each death, we became more aware of so many things and of our fragility, but it bonded us together. At the same time, it created a bond, an attachment, a connection, which continues to date.Every time I hear the first three notes of the song Free Bird by Leonard Skinner, I start to cry. I disappear. I am in that song. I am 16 years old, I am standing by a casket while one of my classmates plays that song on the guitar, the song that has become the anthem to our year."If I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me?"Abuda
- Apr 3, 202420 min
S01 Episode 5 - Surprise you are a monk!
Abouda has spent a lifetime split between a core desire for the peace that a monk's life represents and the fullness of a family life.After spending the morning doing chores, physiotherapy and contemplating the moment, he suddenly realizes,"I am a monk! I live in the elephant's graveyard, basically, as a monk does. I contemplate. I spend time in the moment. I do my work. I have my projects. I make these recordings. I am almost always completely in the moment.It's funny how it never looks like you expected it would. But in some ways this almost exceeds expectations.
- Feb 22, 202420 min
S01 Episode 4: Cold steel in my mouth, one bullet in the chamber
To go back to the beginning, February 15 1994 (sic) around midnight. I am in my office in downtown Hong Kong, with the cold barrel of a pistol in my mouth, one bullet in the chamber, and all intention of ending this incarnation as I was thinking at the time. I had convinced myself that I had tried everything and that the last person I reached out to told me to just go. That I would just restart and try and get it right next time. Just as I was about to do it, I thought of the child now 18 months old and the other one in her mother's belly. I thought and I really tried everything possible. I'd sat meditation; I had followed spiritual practice; I had done everything I thought possible; I had tried to change myself; I'd done therapy; I'd gone to the woods for six months. Yet, every time I would walk into that same wall. Every day I would wake up thinking that today would be different, follow the exact same path and hit the exact same wall. I was done. Reset.
About Elephant Graveyard
According to legend, the elephant knows when the end is near. Rather than trying to stick with the herd and potentially slowing them down, the elephant heads for the elephant graveyard. Here he can not only die in peace, but his descendants can easily locate him and visit his remains in the future.Abuda is an old elephant, the human kind, who has retreated to his sacred place. Each episode, he reflects on life as he prepares for his death."They say that somewhere in Africa the elephants have a secret grave where they go to lie down, unburden their wrinkled gray bodies, and soar away, light spirits at the end." Robert R. McCammon
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